Sometimes I Wish For Falling
by Shipper Friendly
Summary: Castiel comes clean about his feelings for Dean, but Dean just doesn't want to give in. Mistakes are made, regrets are had. Dean/Castiel FLUFFY FLUFF ALERT


**Okay, so this is probably my longest one-shot. I don't know what made me drag it on so long. It was only supposed to be a few pages in my notebook and ended up being like 12 xD **

**WARNINGS: None really. Perhaps a bit OOC? Oh and FLUFF ALERT I guess!**

**PAIRINGS: Dean/Castiel with little mentions of Sam/Gabriel**

**SPOILERS: No major ones that I know of.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own only my many grammar/spelling mistakes. I do not own these lovely characters. Even though I really want to.**

...

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, CAS!"

You might be wondering why Dean Winchester is screaming such an obvious lie out in the middle of a rainstorm. He's angry. He's in denial. He's scared.

To give you a better idea, let's go back to about an hour.

….

"Dean, may I ask you a question?" Dean almost crashed his baby when he heard Castiel appear in the passenger seat. He had been going for a food drive to get breakfast and his mind was a bit muggy. Well, until Cas scared the crap out of him.

"Cas, what the hell man?"

"I apologise. May I ask you a slightly personal question?" Castiel appeared to be nervous.

"Sure, why not." Dean sighed and ran a hand over his tired face. Castiel had been asking a _lot _of personal questions lately."

"Have you ever been in love?" The question surprised Dean and he looked curiously at Castiel. When he found Castiel was being serious, he nodded.

"Yeah. At least, I _thought _so."

"What's it like?" Dean wasn't too bothered by his curiosity for human feelings. Just the other day Castiel was asking why he felt a burning in his chest and stomach whenever Dean talked to girls. They had a long talk about jealousy and sharing. Dean didn't think about it too much.

Usually Castiel wasn't so forward. He usually was very impersonal on his questions. _What is sadness? Why do humans call each other hot? Is smiling a good or bad thing? _and other questions of that sort.

"It's like…I don't know, happy I guess? Like you want to be with them all the time. Nothing matters but making 'em happy. It's hard to explain." Dean felt highly uncomfortable. Feelings weren't his strong point.

Castiel nodded. "Oh…so you are in love with Sam?" He looked up sadly. The question was so ridiculous Dean almost laughed. The sober look on Castiel's face stopped him. He sighed and pulled over the car. He wasn't looking forward to another man-to-man talk.

"No, Cas. That's another love. That's family love. That's protection and brotherly…love." Dean gulped. He was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second.

"Is it supposed to feel like there's fluttering in my abdomen?" Castiel looked so genuinely worried that Dean felt bad for him. The poor guy was in love and he must be thinking it's some sort of disease.

"Yeah, sometimes. Why? You got a special woman-angel-chick in mind?" Dean smiled half-heartedly.

"No." Castiel answered shortly and looked out the window. Dean was worried now. Something was obviously wrong with him and that wasn't cool with Dean.

"Hey man, what's up? You don't look so good."

"I appear to have the symptoms of love. It is not settling well." Castiel shifted nervously in his seat and it made Dean wonder why he hadn't disappeared from this awkward conversation.

"I thought you said—"

"It's not a woman."

Silence settled over them for a tense moment. "Who is it then?" Dean selfish wondered when Castiel had time for socialising without Sam and himself.

"You." Castiel gave him a sad look before disappearing. He left a confused Dean behind. Dean jumped out of the Impala an on to the empty stretch of road.

"Cas? CASTIEL!" Dean yelled to the sky, which was rapidly turning grey. "Come back here Cas! You can't just tell a guy that and disappear!"

Fifteen minutes later, Dean was still yelling. However, Castiel had now appeared behind him.

"Can you stop yelling please? It's rather annoying."

Dean whirled around. "You gotta stop doin' that, man."

"I apologise."

"And don't disappear like that. Especially when you drop a bomb like that on me." Castiel pulled one of those adorable confused faces. Though Dean would never admit they were adorable.

"I did not drop any nuclear devices. And you are still alive."

Dean didn't even bother correcting him.

"You can't just say things like that."

"You asked me who I was in love with. I only answered honestly, Dean." Castiel looked down and away. He was afraid Dean might harm him for thinking such thoughts about him.

"You didn't even give me a chance to say anything!"

"I already knew what you would say. You are what the lady at the bar called a 'womanizer'."

Dean was taken aback. _Cas was at a bar?_

"You were at a bar?"

"I assumed it would make me feel better. Although the drinking did not, the bartender was very helpful."

"Cas…what did she say?"

"I do not wish to—"

Dean's temper broke suddenly. "CAS! What. Did. She. Say?" Dean was pissed off. First, Cas just pops in, says he loves Dean, then pops out. Then he goes to a _bar_? Is he an idiot? And he talked about him to a complete _stranger_? Dean wasn't a happy camper.

"I believe you are over reacting…"

"No, over reacting would be me ripping off your pretty little angel head. I'm _not _over reacting!"

"Stop yelling, please." Castiel said quietly, refusing to look at Dean in the eye. Dean calmed down a little at that. Castiel looked so much like a lost puppy at that moment. It made Dean's eyes soften and his stomach drop to know he had caused this state.

"What did this stranger say about me?"

Castiel was quiet for a moment. He wasn't sure how to respond. "She said 'He may be in love, but for a womanizer like that it won't last long.' She seemed well educated in the subject matter."

Rain began to fall as if sensing the downcast angel. Castiel looked upwards and shook his head. "Why?" he whispered to his father. "Why would you curse me with this?"

Dean didn't know what to do. It was all so surreal. He could prepare to kill demons and ghosts, but this was out of his realm. He didn't wake up this morning expecting to find out Castiel was in love with him.

After a few minutes, Castiel turned back to dean. The bartended said I should just ask you."

"Ask me what?" It came out as a hoarse whisper.

"Are you in love with me too?"

For a while, the only sound heard was the pounding of the rain.

"No." It was more of an inward comment than an answer, but Castiel took it as such.

"But the woman said—"

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, CAS!" Dean shouted over the rain. Castiel slowly nodded. He lifted is head and his innocent heartbreak made Dean regret saying anything at all.

"I understand. I will not be a bother any longer." He disappeared once again. Dean angrily got into his car to drive back to the motel. He had a feeling not much would get done today.

…

"You're such an idiot." Sam sighed into his hands. Dean had been forced to explain what happened when Sam asked why he couldn't call Castiel down to help. Sam's puppy dog face is hard to deny.

"What?"

"Now he's not gonna come back. You're suck a dick, Dean."

"Did you want me to lie to him?" Dean asked while shoving a doughnut into his mouth.

"We all know it wouldn't be a lie."

An awkward silence settled over them. This day was just getting weirder and weirder for Dean.

"What do you want me to tell him?"

"The truth. The reason you undress him with your eyes every minute he's present."

"You would know all about oogling, huh, Sammy?"

Sam turned red. "I don't know what you mean."

"Tell Gabe and I'll tell Cas."

Sam didn't bring it up again for the rest of the day.

….

Alright I've had enough of this!" Sam shouted angrily.

Sam had gotten Castiel to come down for the sake of the case, but they hadn't even looked at each other the whole time. Dean avoided Castiel at all costs and Castiel did the same. It was aggravating.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Castiel's eyes stayed glued to the book in front of his face.

"I'm leaving. You two better figure out your…whatever by the time I come back." Sam grabbed his coat and left. Dean waited a moment before attempting to leave also.

"No, Dean." Castiel's voice stopped him. "I wish to talk it out also."

Dean sighed. Too many heart-to-hearts in one day. His sappy limit had long since been reached and passed.

"What's there to talk about?"

"I do not believe you were telling the yesterday."

"What makes you think that?" Dean was trying very hard to keep his cool. If this related back to Sam, Dean wasn't going to be happy about it.

"Sam said—"

"Well Sam just everything to be happy and fluff bunnies but that's not how the world works. Now, let's pretend none of this happened and get back to the case." Dean once again attempted to leave. Castiel grabbed his shoulder before he could get far and pulled him backwards.

"No! Why do you refuse to listen to me Dean? For once I would appreciate your respect." Castiel was upset, obviously, Dean didn't know what to say. "I do not wish to be in love with you. I do not know how it happened. All I know is that I want you to respect me and stop treating me as an annoyance. If I really am an annoyance though, tell me now so I can save my time and Grace."

Dean was stunned into silence. Castiel had endless patience. He never went off like this before. It made Dean wonder if he was having more family problems with his dickwad brothers.

"Do you hate me, Dean?" The question hung in the air. Dean gulped.

"No, how could you even think that?"

"Your attitude towards me has been less than nice." Castiel took a step toward Dean. "You either reciprocate my feelings or you do not. I will not leave until you tell me the truth."

It was all very weird. Castiel was acting out of character and it almost scared Dean.

"No," he whispered. "I…I can't."

Castiel nodded. "I guess I must accept this as the truth. Good-bye, Dean."

The last thing Dean saw of Castiel was him looked sadly to the ground, a few tears falling without his knowledge. Dean didn't know what to do with himself. He sat on the end of his bed and sighed shakily, putting his head in his hands.

Castiel, on the other hand, was furious. He felt his face and found it was wet. Jimmy's body was betraying him and allowing these strange droplets of water to fall from his eyes for no reason. What was the point of them anyways? He had heard Dean call them tears. How do tears help you? They only cause irritation and further sadness.

Sometimes Castiel wished he never saved Dean in the first place.

….

It happened exactly one week after Castiel left. Sam had been furios at Dean the whole week. Castiel had paid Sam a visit right after the argument and simply told him "You were wrong, Sam" and left. They hadn't seen him since.

Sam and Dean were at Bobby's doing some research. Well, Sam and Bobby were doing research. Dean was drinking beer and moping on the couch.

All of a sudden, it got extremely quiet. Dean turned around. "What's got you guys so—"

"Dean." Castiel rasped. He looked like hell, to say the least. Deep cuts everywhere. He was trying to heal them all. But there was a huge gash through his abdomen. "Help me."

Dean was up and supporting Castiel's body before he could even stumble. He slowly lowered him to the ground, Castiel's head in the crook of his elbow. His torso lay across Dean's lap.

"Why did you come back here? Why didn't you go get help?" Dean unconsciously started brushing Castiel's hair from his face.

"I didn't want your last memories of me to be upsetting." Castiel coughed. The cuts were mostly gone, but the gash seemed to stay.

"You gotta stay awake for me, Cas."

"I know you don't love me as I do you, but Dean…" Castiel coughed again. Blood ran from his mouth and onto the sleeve of Dean's shirt. "I l-love you."

Dean choked back a sob. "You aren't dying. Those are dying words. You just gotta heal yourself, Cas. Cas?" Castiel's eyes fluttered. He was having trouble keeping them open. "No. NO! Don't you die! You're an angel, you don't die!"

"I-I got, I can't….Lucifer…" He clutched Dean's shirt as the pain got worse. Dean felt a burning in his stomach. What was Castiel doing with Lucifer in the first place?

"Don't worry, Cas, I got you okay? You're gonna be okay. You just-you gotta…you just gotta stay awake for me." Dean's hand rested on Castiel's face, occasionally rubbing it to keep him awake. When Castiel stopped responding, Dean got desperate.

"Bobby! Sam!" Dean yelled. They hadn't moved this whole time. Maybe it was because they knew it was in vain or maybe they thought Dean and Castiel needed to say good-bye, but Dean didn't think too hard about it. "Why aren't you helping? Help him!"

"There's nothing we can do, Dean." Sam said softly.

"What do you mean? He's an _angel _he can't die!" Dean wasn't thinking logically, but at the moment logical flew out the window for him.

"But by the hand of another angel it's different and you know it, Dean." Bobby didn't even look Dean in the eye. He couldn't.

"Lucifer hardly counts as an angel." Dean looked at Castiel. "No…guys…" Dean's heart broke. His usual macho manly shell broke and he started to cry. "We gotta save him."

Castiel's grip on Dean's shirt loosened and Dean just kept crying. He cradled Castiel to his body and held him close.

All was silent except for the muffled cries of Dean Winchester as he buried his head in his angel's shoulder.

…

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

The last 2 weeks had been torture, to say the least.

During the day, Dean would act normal. No one would've guessed that a loved one had just died. Sam knew better. Every night, when he thought Sam and Bobby were sleeping, Sam would hear Dean sobbing and crying out for Castiel. It was one of the most heart breaking things he'd ever heard.

"Cas, I was lying you know. I was being a dick and I-I'm sorry." Sam heard one night. It wasn't meant for his ears and so he pretended it never happened.

Sam wasn't as closed off about his grieving at first. He was said and showed it. But he only let himself grieve for a few days before he knew he had to stay calm for the sake of Dean.

So, two weeks after the death of Castiel, things were almost as close as they could be to being normal again. Until one morning…

"Dean, I have found a lead on a new case for you…"

Dean stopped eating his breakfast. He turned around and jumped slightly out of his seat when he saw him. Castile. He was just standing there. No gashes. No blood. Just standing in his trench coat.

"Hah, okay. You're-you're dead." Dean was certain this wasn't real.

"No."

"Yes! I was there! You died in my…you're not real."

"Yes, I am. I have healed now. I have a new lead…"

Dean stood. "No. You can't just do that. You are _dead_. You can't just come back here and-and act normal. It's been two weeks. I've been…Sammy's been torn up."

"I heard your calls. I understand. I assumed you would not wish me to speak of it." Castiel looked to his feet.

Before either of them knew what was happening, Dean had Castiel gripped in a tight hug. "You're alive." Dean laughed.

"So it appears." Castiel was rigid. "Is it okay if I embrace you back Dean? I have missed your presence." Dean laughed again.

"That's the point of a hug, Cas."

So they stood in Bobby's kitchen, just hugging. Then Sam decided to make his entrance.

"Dean, Bobby said—holy shit CAS?"

Dean immediately stepped away from him. Castiel looked slightly rejected by this and Sam made note of it.

Sam stepped forward and gave Castiel a short man-hug. "It's _really _good to see you. How did you—"

"It's a very long story." Castiel interrupted. His gaze didn't leave Dean's face. Sam also recognised this. He knew he interrupted something and he was feeling very third wheelish.

"I'll let you guys talk." Sam left before either could respond. It seemed he was doing that a lot lately.

"What-what happened? One second we're fighting, the next you're dead, and now you're back."

"The demons and Lucifer were showing me…things. I fought them. I lost against Lucifer. Then I needed to see you."

"What kind of…things?"

"I do not wish to relive them…" Castiel looked down and away again. "They were very brutal."

"Talking about it might make you feel better." Seeing as Dean wasn't going to give in, Castiel decided he should get it over with sooner rather than later.

"Remember when you died over and over again?" Dean slowly nodded, fury growing at the thought of Castiel going through that same pain. "It was like that. Only I was watching you and the deaths were more torturous."

"Cas I—"

"I knew you weren't dead, but all I could think was that if you were…I would be very upset. And I knew if I died, you would not be as upset. It was not a good feeling, Dean." Castiel shook his head. "But then I heard you. I heard your calls after my supposed death. I heard you every night. I couldn't…I couldn't believe that you didn't reciprocate my feelings. Not after that." He moved closer to Dean so they were almost nose to nose. "Though you have not been very kind to me as of late."

"I know." Dean said. His breath mixed with Castiel's. "I'm really sorry, Cas. I'm a real-"

Whatever Dean thought he was, we won't know. Castiel covered Dean's mouth with his own. Dean suddenly was unaware of the outside world. The building could collapse around them and he wouldn't know. All that mattered was this kiss and the fact that Castiel was alive and here.

"This is so wrong." They kissed again. "You're an angel."

"Everything in our lives is wrong, Dean."

They kept kissing until finally Sam decided he was hungry and went into the kitchen. He yelled out a "FINALLY!" before leaving to go talk to his own angel.

"Do you think Gabe and Sam will ever get their asses together?" Dean asked between kisses.

"You have no idea, Dean." Dean could've sworn he saw a very slight smile on Castiel's face. He chose to ignore this for more making out.

No, life wasn't sunshine and daises for Team Free Will forever. But Castiel was alive and Dean no longer felt depressed. So right now? Right now things were looking better than they had in a while.

...

**Was that ending ugly? It was a bit happy wasn't it? Sorry, I'm a sucker for happy endings xD**


End file.
